You feel like you can’t focus, have a stream of sad, angry, confused anxious thoughts that never stop. You have no desire to socialize, but want to feel supported. You feel like every day is a battle and there is an endless feeling of unrest and uneasiness in your body, mind and soul. You want to feel better, but you aren’t sure how. What do you do?

Are you still wanting to fight to keep the relationship or one you thought was real? Are you blaming yourself for things that went wrong? Are you reliving all the fights, words, and times together thinking of what you should’ve done differently? The first step is taking the time to stop obsessing on what was real and what wasn’t real- you will never know.

Follow this guide:

Get rid of your hope

Get rid of your empathy

Write down all the wrongs they did and said

Forget about all the promises they made and future you believed was real

Get rid of their definition of who you are

Get rid of your negative self talk

Be determined to write your own new chapter and a different ending

Be determined not to let them take away who you are

Focus on your future, not their words

Focus on the things you like in life

Focus on your health, not putting yourself last behind their needs

Focus on trying to solve your own problems, not fix theirs

Write down good things about yourself and all you have done to make the relationship work. This offsets the failure and not good enough mindset.

If can choose between fighting trying to understand the next outrageous thing they do or say, or taking care of your basic health needs- choose your health (sleep, shower, walk, exercise, fixing your nails, hair, etc.)

Limit your time to ruminate over what was said and done as you obsess over trying to make sense of it all. Change the channel in your head to be present in the now, not in the past

Start with the basics with your health- sleep, water, healthier foods, vitamins, showers

Take things day by day when you feel like you have no hope and can’t go on. Don’t beat yourself up for setbacks. Wake up, try again, get up, shower and change your clothes if that’s all you do.

Make sure you move your body even if its just 15 minutes of stretching, a walk or dancing around at home to your favorite music.

Keep food around to eat that you can eat even when feeling sick, too sad to eat, too tired to cook, or dealing with severe anxiety.  If you tend to eat when stressed, then don’t keep around you know you will binge on (like chips and cookies).

A hobby is a must- either to distract yourself, to fill your head with something positive, to be social or get out of your home and head, to feel better about your life and self and to shift your direction in life

Remember who you were before you met this life sucking roach

Cut contact not to be hurtful or punitive, but for your own mental health. Allow yourself a fighting chance of taking their presence out of your life. They are like the monster under your bed, lurking, waiting to strike, always there, and the only way to start healing is to STOP trying to keep in touch. If you think you can handle, you can’t. They are energy destroyers and emotional vampires.

Get rid of items that remind them of you, don’t look at old photos, consider ending shared friendships with those that don’t understand or have your back with comments like “it takes two to tango, or there’s always two sides to a story, or he’s so nice!”- you need to remove their place and energy from your life

Avoid people who disrespect you- this will be triggering. You may find you have other toxic unhealthy relationships you accepted in your life without realizing it. I looked back and realized I had a history of friends and family who would never stand for a minute to be treated the way they treated me.  It’s eye opening when you see these patterns and realize abusive crap has become normalized in your life as an adult (when you thought you left behind all of that behind in your childhood).

Vent to get feel heard, seen and understood, but also remember repetition of words keeps the pain alive and active in your life.  Feelings become thoughts, thoughts become words and words affect your actions. Mind your words because their negativity will become a cloud over your life (I know firsthand because sharing a child with an abuser make it impossible to fully escape as they are affecting the life of your child and their behavior)

Every day wake up and say 3 things you are grateful for, 3 good things about yourself and your intention or goal for the day

Remember you can love yourself better when they aren’t in your life…

I want to see you fly away from the pain and B.S.