Please talk to me, like really talk, not- “hey, how are you?” with the only right answer being “good” as you turn your back and walk into another room. Please see me, like really see me, not as an object being inspected for how my hair looks, my nails, my weight, my eyebrows, my grades, my income and my status.

See me.

Hear me.

I have a voice and identity of my own that goes beyond existing to placate and please. Look at me sometimes without judgement, annoyance, contempt, or scorn. Here I am, right in front of you, don’t you see me….

I am speaking, but not heard. I am present, but not here. I am sharing, but shushed. I am speaking, but shamed for what I say. I have ideas, but they are not acknowledged or scoffed at. I have ideas no one cares to know about. I feel suffocated. I feel silenced. My identity is trapped behind a wall you created and I can’t break down.

Give more, do more, you’re not enough, you’re too much, you’re not thin enough, you’re not thick enough, you’re breasts are too small, get surgery, cover those breasts up, you’re too quiet, you’re too loud, you’re a prude, you’re a whore, you shouldn’t dress like that or you’re asking for it, why aren’t you dressing like this and trying a bit more, you’re not pretty enough, you’re too sexy, you need to smile more, why are you so emotional, you think you are so smart, but you should just stay silent, just be happy, be happy to serve, forget about your needs and give more, listen more, be more supportive, be more understanding, keep your opinions to yourself, but don’t be boring, don’t raise your voice, do what we tell you to do…

It’s like I’m being suffocated by others wants, demands and needs. It’s like I am drowning and people are standing there looking at everything but me. It’s like drowning as people stand there some watching, some with backs turned, and some scolding with a “it’s no big deal” not being able to breathe- “can you just please smile and stop being so dramatic”. They don’t care and they don’t see. You are here to play a role in the script they wrote.

Just smile please. Your pain makes me uncomfortable so I would rather not know about it. Please just go back to “I am good” and serving with a smile. We don’t want to see any other you than the one who agrees and says all is fine.