Coming from a Mom who has juggled a full time corporate job, side hustle, school being closed for a year with no in person option, zoom meetings, sales calls all while watching my son, play teacher, cook and clean…I have a great idea of how to handle this new challenge for moms.
Considering my son and I both kept our insanity during a time like no other in modern day life, I damn proud of both of us. Imagine being a child stuck inside with your mom who was working until 6pm, and not able to leave or go anywhere M-F (trying to use Netflix and stuffies as companionship). Imagine one day having friends and a social life at school, only to be told you must stay at home with your very stressed mom, a single parent with no family or support system. Imagine a mom who was suddenly going to navigate education at home, while keeping the house in order, meals on the table and figuring out how to keep her job at the same time. I looked and felt like a goblin. Gremlin. Troll Bridge. Orc…None of it was good.
How Have I Done It: these things evolved over the past years and it was not something that came together all at once
Accepted my work may not all get done in the timeline it used to get done
Made a decision that it is my right to go to the bathroom and not feel afraid to leave my computer
Accepted that I am not a robot, and do need to eat and drink water in order to continue on as a human being and mother
Mastered the art of “camera ready” by wearing scarves over comfy sweaters and stretch pants, a hair clip, swipe of blush and lip gloss for my skill of getting ready in one minute
Allowed myself a daily cup of coffee just the way I like it- lots of cream and decent dose of sugar
Took daily Bee Pollen supplements, probiotics, mushroom extracts, iron, and more with a regimented assortment of supplements. Bee and You became my favorite immunity boosting supplement source
Took 20 minutes to walk outside with my son to ensure he got exercise and fresh air
Took 20 minutes after work to walk outside and give my son my undivided attention with no screens or emails
Set a goal chart so he could earn special rewards or privileges
Allowed him to drag all his stuffies and whatever else brought him comfort while I was in zoom, and he was in his own zoom hell
Allowed him to dress up when he felt like it understanding little things like that brought him joy and peace in a challenging world
Not feeding into the teachers treating 8 year olds like little soldiers- “suck in your bellies”, “sit down and don’t move” – all the things I heard from them as our kids struggled to learn behind a screen, clicking endless buttons, and dealing with endless tech issues
Gave up counting screen time or feeling guilty about our new best friend- Netflix
Accepted some assignments might be missed and would not be perfect: we faced so many tech issues with work not submitting, showing up blank, not playing etc. We both were near tears too many times trying to figure stuff out 7pm on a Friday, – we had enough.
Made sure I did mental health checks with my child to ensure he could vent, express his feelings and share what the heck was going on inside his mind with all of this
Granting some leniency in our mood swings realizing some days would be extra hard for him, and some days extra hard for me
Ensuring every single day he got a hug and I love you
Faced my fear that if I am not “perfect” in my job, that I could be fired, but if I am, then I will face that challenge
Accepted that I am doing my best and I don’t need to prove my worth or competance
Accepted the double standard b.s. that women and single moms are supposed to function as if they have no children and school didn’t close, while many men get applauded for helping out with parenting duties
Getting over that I was told me being a single parent with school closed didn’t matter, it was offensive to my co-workers, that we all have problems, that my position is no different than the rest of my team (my team and boss that all have partners and family to help, back up, support systems, financial security and none are single parents). As a former foster kid, no, my life is not just like everyone elses. It doesn’t make me a victim, but it does pose some challenges. I was hoping for a little flexibility
Planning fun outdoor activities on weekends even if it was as simple as – “let’s go walk and try the new donut shop that opened up”
Finding fun activities to look forward to like a scavenger hunt I made, decorating like crazy for Halloween, making special camp like movie nights, painting rocks, building gingerbread house villages, making crazy cookies, looking for insects outside, etc.
Creating our own stress relievers he could use during class time: a tornado bottle, a squishy, a glitter bottle etc. Expecting young children to sit in front of a screen and never move from 8am-2:30 everyday is just not feasible for most, so these little items made a difference
Finding ways for him to boost his confidence and give purpose by asking for help with things like watering plants, fixing something or contributing in some way
Giving thanks with our gratitude rock over dinner once a week- whoever holds the rock, gets to speak
Giving him a special rock to hold onto symbolizing my love for him that he could hold onto if he ever felt sad or lonely
Having a sense of humor about the insanity of it all