1-Movement-  

Our bodies were made to move. Have you ever noticed how exhausted and crappy you feel after sitting all day? Have you noticed how your mood feels depressed and irritable after being stationary day after day? Why do we feel so bad doing something so easy….it is because our brains depend on movement to be happy. There is no better way to boost your mood than with endorphin releasing movement. Endorphins are a release of feel good chemicals in your body. Exercise also helps rebuild the brain with the regrowth of brain cells.   

Unfortunately, we have built modern day adult life around sitting and it has led to disease, depression, anxiety, and hosts of other emotional, physical and mental disorders. We all know we need to exercise to live longer and be healthier, but exercise sounds like a chore. It sounds like going to the gym and being annoyed by watchful eyes or waiting on a sweat covered machine to be free. It means doing something you hate doing or consider as too hard when exercise has not been part of your life for a long period of time.  Here I say we need not typical concept of painful exercise, but movement to be happy. We can dance, we can run, we can walk, we can play tennis, we can golf, we can engage in many hobbies and many other activities that include movement. 

If you think about our idea of punishment- it is being trapped inside a cell barely able to move.  To create an opposite experience of this punitive one, it is movement that is necessary to thrive. It is movement that is one of the essential ingredients to self-esteem, mental health and emotional stability. Track it for yourself.  I can notice a change in my mood and energy within 2 days of little to no movement.  I realized my best tool for stress relief and anxiety reduction, is through movement and it can be as simple as long walks outside.

2-Sleep-

I am not one of those humans that can function or think clearly off 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night.  In fact, even 7 hours for an extended length of time has me operating on auto pilot as if I am going through each day in a trance like fog. If those 7 hours of sleep was in fact spent sleeping, perhaps I would feel more rested, but as a very light sleeper I often take up to an hour to fall asleep and wake up repeatedly. In a “you can sleep when you are dead” culture, we are encouraged to neglect our self -care. “You have to keep grinding and sleep is for the weak!”, “I get up at 4am every day and that way I can fit in my 18-hour workday!”. It is the “I can survive off coffee” culture as we drag our weary bodies out of bed to keep fighting another day of task after task that has hurt our mental health.

I have found myself so out of touch of with my own health needs, that I often don’t even realize I am severely sleep deprived because I have gotten so used to feeling like an exhausted pile of crap.  As I have found myself yawning, fighting falling asleep during the day, craving coffee and sugar to keep going, no memory to speak of, my desire to speak to others nonexistent, my energy for working out at zero, my interest in my hobbies MIA, and my energy for my son at all time lows, I realized something had to change.

 I began tracking my sleep and realized 5 to 6 hours was my norm. I have been seriously lacking in rest.  I decided to take back control of my life. It became clear that for mood regulation, ability to socialize, my completion of tasks, ability to work out and get through my day, the 5 hoursish of sleep was not working. My lack of sleep was destroying my mental health and quality of life. We need to prioritize letting our brains and bodies rest and rebuild.  The effects of more sleep were almost immediate- my workout schedule became regular which helped my mood, energy and confidence. My irritability dropped. I was able to listen to friends better and respond with more understanding. I could focus better at work. I could do more activities with my son.  Track your sleep and see how it affects your life.

3-Weekly gratitude reminders-  

The best way to reset your thinking is to take a step back and remind yourself of your blessings. When things are not going your way as you expected or hoped for, it can be easy to see life through a filter of hopelessness and despair. Working more hours for less pay, no raise in years, unable to take a vacation, working while sick, friends moving away, struggles to pay bills as life gets more expensive and incomes stay stagnant, isolation as you become caught up in work and parenting, job loss, debt, kids not listening, worries over retirement income, lack of connection or intimacy with your partner, aging and feeling less desirable, a car crash, disease diagnosis, divorce etc.  We all have so much on our shoulders and plates. The burden of the daily grind can feel heavy. In many cases, a problem for someone else, may be nothing to the next person, and it is all relative to your life circumstance. 

What I know to be true is that as long as you are still alive, there is always something to be thankful for, even if it is just getting through a day from hell.  

Writing or speaking things you are thankful for will boost your mood and help get you out of negative thinking. It is a way to take your power back when you feel like things are overwhelming and out of your control. It can be as simple as saying thanks for being alive to fight another day, to have air to breathe, to have water to drink, to have seen a beautiful flower, pet a cute animal, finished a book, tried a new food, ate healthier, received a kind word, have food to eat, light, running water, clothes to wear, a healthy child etc.

We have a “gratitude rock” at our table that my son and I take turns holding and speaking what we are thankful for.  Come up with something that works for you, it could just be in your head every morning or evening in bed but say things you are grateful for because your mental health depends on it.

4-Watching your energy-

What are you putting your energy and time into? Is it battling with a partner, family or co-worker? Is it obsessing over your weight and looks as you put yourself down every day? Is it complaining about the weather, traffic, the slow/fast driver, the mask/no mask, what someone else said or any host of other annoyances you might find throughout a day, week or month? We can all certainly find something to be upset about and focus on that thing, but the end result is those things end up taking over your brain and life.  It goes back to the old saying- if you can fix it, fix it, if you can’t, let it go or accept it and move on. Control what you can control- and that is your own thoughts.

I realized I often put energy into fear-based thinking to help keep myself feeling safe. I often spend time trying to wrestle with problems feeling pit of anxiety, but solving nothing as hours are wasted. I often think back to old fights and things said, then planning how I will handle the next fight. I often think of horrific things my ex did and why I let it all happen the way it did without taking more decisive action.  The thing is, in those moments, I was doing the very best I could and what I thought was right at the time, so I should not beat myself up over and over. I often think of what I will say to someone if they try to pull the same crap on me again, but all it has done is steal my energy that could be spent living and reaching my goals.  It has brought to life the pain on daily basis more than it has resolved the pain. 

Frankly, I have grown weary of trying to figure out other folks toxic or abusive behavior. I am working to give myself a time limit on these challenges – one day, then I am moving on. We ALL have struggles, but we call can choose to focus on what will help us in life, not what hurt us or who hurt us.

5-Being in the moment-

This is the one that is the hardest for me, but one I am committed to more than ever.  It is simple, but incredibly challenging. It is being here and now vs letting your mind live in the past or future. Many of us often find ourselves depressed about the past and anxious over the future. If like me, this includes replaying conversations and events thinking if I had just done or said this instead, how things would be different. It is often fear based thinking of what might happen in the future that I am struggling to protect myself and my son against. I have found myself consumed with to do lists and bucket lists I am not fulfilling. I am worried I am not doing enough or doing too much.

We are in a striving society where once we hit a goal, we immediately have to come up with another. This is creating a sense of discontentment, failing and lacking in life.  Let’s work to finish college, then I can start my real life, but then you get job to pay the bills you never wanted or planned on. Then it is well, let me work this job until I can work on my dreams, then 5 years go by and you didn’t find the time and felt like you were failing in some way.  Then it is well, I will wear that outfit or go to that event once I lose weight, but maybe you are never quite happy with how you look. 

There is always something to think about in the future, but it is stealing from  our daily lives and stealing from our joy.  If you had one week to live, would you spend it worrying about looking thinner or not getting a promotion…no, you would want to enjoy every moment you had left. This is the spirit of being in the moment and living now, for now is all we have.