If you are asking yourself this then you are likely trauma bonded and facing physical pain in addition to an emotional and mental one. This pain is resulting from their hot and cold behavior, intermittent affection/attention where they give out the best love and attention you could hope for then withdraw it all without warning. The end result is making you feel worthless, unloved and unwanted. They apologize, but nothing changes- rinse, recycle, repeat with he loves me/he loves me not pattern. Staying with a narcissist would be like hugging a cactus and expecting it to feel good- no matter how many times you hug it, the next time isn’t going to feel better.

They may say they are loyal, there is no one else, they love you, they are sorry, they want to be together, how much they care, but then you will notice their actions don’t back it up their lovely promises and sweet words.

Why?… Because they

Lack the ability to attach emotionally in a healthy way (it is more out of a need to use you, for comfort, their image, infatuation, but not true love which accepts a person through their best and worst times). They lack the ability to truly care for and love others, and that is why they can discard you so easily (as if getting rid of a shirt they once loved).

Need instant gratification- like a child with no consideration for anyone else

Need constant validation- you will be punished if not giving enough or they will get it elsewhere

Put themselves first

Lack of empathy

Lack of accountability

Lack of committment

Lack of respect

Lack of consideration

Constantly critical of you and people around them

Inability to be supportive (consistently, not lovebombing or when saying sorry)

Entitlement- their needs, their feelings, their time, their way and they deserve to put first and get what they want

Lack of remorse- you deserve it so why should they feel bad

Devaluing as a tool to boost their self-esteem (one day you are their dream woman, the next a disgusting hag)

Blaming Their Actions on Others-(you made them mad, tired, stressed so they will blame you if they do something horrible)

Using You- for a place to stay, car, sex, money, status, “family” image etc.

Resentment- feeling like they hate you because you are the reason they are “trapped” and their “Freedom” is gone now that they are expected to help around the house, pay bills or watch their own kids

Not Allowed to Have any Expectations of them- all responsibility is on you

Fear of How they Will Behave Towards Your Kids- their anger outbursts, criticism and unreliablity

Selfish Sex- all about their schedule, their wants, their timetable. You are ignored or like a performer trying to win their approval.

Affection Withheld

Without real love and bonding, they will use and abuse their partner. They will put themselves first, demand respect and praise while giving none back. They will demand things go their way, but never consider your way. It is you vs. them, rather than you as a couple being on the same side/team. You can claim to be committed, claim to be a good person, and claim to agree on key responsibilities, but if you don’t give a rat’s ass about following through with action or your partner’s feelings, then it will never work.

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