I have a lifetime of Narc examples to draw from between my childhood and relationships. Based on all my reading of others Narc experiences, these real life examples will resonate with many. Here some examples of the most narcissist things said to me by a narcissist:
“I am only having sex with you as a favor” (by my fiancé and father of my son as I later discovered was cheating)
“All You are is just a mom now and I don’t love you” (their attachment/intimacy issues flaring up as they can’t get over the Madonna/whore complex and will see you as one or the other). The ”mom” trying to control them who they can’t have sex with vs. the “whore” sex object who they can’t respect. Serious mommy issues
“You can find someone who will want you, you still have a good enough body, just go hang out the at country club and find yourself a rich older man”
“I only kept you around for money and your vagina”
“I was just pretending to love you so I could save rent money and sleep with you”
“It was your fault I cheated because you didn’t make me happy”
“I will wear you down until you break, and I win.”
“I didn’t have sex with her under our roof” (in narc land that means he didn’t really cheat)
“I hope you die and end up broke and alone” (the mother of his kid and primary caregiver)
“I will never co parent with you!” month later followed by, “you won’t co-parent with me”
“I am not coming; I can do what I want when I want”
I couldn’t respond to you with our planned weekend get away with booked hotel because “I had the flu and wasn’t in the mood”
I know I have ignored your messages, broke plans, ghosted you for months while adding new women on social media, adding onlyfans accounts, liking their pics, but when I resurface, I will claim “I was in a rut and I actually do care”
His favorite was to call me toxic if I dared get mad or stand up for myself as he called me names, talked down to me, raged, cheated, lied, was leading a double life, blowing through money, always complaining, putting himself first and acting like a deranged angry 5-year-old. I was not allowed to stand up for myself or our child, have any needs, thoughts or boundaries. Of course, my feelings were irrelevant as well.
Having previously agreed to a custody timeshare privately with our own documents, has me served Mother’s Day weekend demanding 50% custody (after telling me he didn’t want to be a dad, I could go wherever I wanted with our son, after abandoning us in the previous year with zero notice of his moving out. Then 7 months later returning. Followed by having to leave again under his threats to kill me, leaving me once again with the mortgage and bills for our son (and vowing to do all he can to never pay me child support).
A Mother’s Day weekend – I got us free tickets to the big golf event The PLAYERS Championship. It was a VIP day complete with a free brunch and access to the TPC clubhouse during the big event. Instead of being happy and enjoying our special day with our little munchkin, my ex decides he doesn’t want to be there and wants to be miserable debating our relationship status. He walks in front of me and gives me the silent treatment. He pairs that with raging at me, calling me names and throws a fit trying to ruin the day. This is classic narc behavior taking something that most every human on the planet would enjoy and be thankful for but does everything humanly possible to make it miserable. What should have been a day of peace for Mother’s Day of all days, it was a day of me trying to not breakdown in public.
“I love how much I turn you on, and that you are so turned on by me”
“You can’t comprehend being to be so amazing that all these men want to marry you” (his mom), followed by insults of me being jealous, crazy, single girl as he tried to explain cancelling on me DAY of our planned weekend trip for him to visit long distance. Why….his mom “wouldn’t allow him” to be away that weekend.
“I wish I’d married a doctor so I never have to work”, another week, “I wish I’d married a teacher so she would be extra sweet to me. I would be the man of the house and take care of her” (yet he was still living off his parents and spending our family money on himself vs. paying bills, providing for our son)
“There is nothing I can say to get it through your delusional head I don’t want you”, later followed by “you know I care about you” and asked out on a date
“Everyone loves me and has nothing bad to say about me, prove something is wrong with me”
“No one will believe you or care what you have to say- I have no police record, a job and good credit”
“I don’t give a shit about you and where you go with our son. Go f**k a thousand men if I care”
“If you would just compliment me more, I would be nicer to you”
“I’ve been with tons of women I had chemistry with and attracted to just like you, what makes you so different”
“All you were was fun and sex nothing more”
“I’m so sick of you trying to control me!” (me asking “do you mind grabbing milk for our son?”)
“I could chop you up in little pieces and scatter your parts around and no one would ever know it was me or how to find you” (I used to email if anything every happens to me, my now ex did it)
“I don’t care about your fear agenda! Snidely, “Don’t you have something better to do on your Friday night”- me asking him to please consider screening people more thoroughly since he leaves our son with a revolving door of internet strangers for babysitting (and during Covid)
“I suppose I can be charming, but even a child would know I didn’t really have any interest or mean what I said”
Him: “I can’t deal with all the pressure you are putting on me!” as he was late driving to come visit for a weekend. Me to him: “don’t worry about when you get here, all that matters is being safe, no worries, enjoy the drive. Do you want me to grab drinks for us at the store?” (it’s like they are hell bent on finding fault with you and for something to fight about even as you smile and say nothing).
I often felt like the punching bag for frustration and pain the narc felt towards his parents, past problems, bad bosses and unfulfilled dreams. It takes a special mindset to seek to destroy the peace, confidence and love in another being. It takes work to take back your power and fight against being a victim.