The Guy Women Want…Modern Day Dating

Social Media, Dating Apps, and now Covid have changed the dating scene drastically.  Once you get past college, throw in a few moves, friends spread out over the country, working longer and longer hours just to keep up with the increasing cost of living and competition for jobs, it can be harder and harder to find love.  Not only is it harder to meet someone as you get older and go through these transitions, but many people you meet have the problem of over abundance of options to peruse on the internet making them unable to focus and pick one person (kind of like the food equivalent to the cereal isle or Smoothie King).  Before the dating app boom, it was not a matter of will he or won’t he commit, it was a matter of which one should I pick with the men wanting to get the girl, and wanting to be in a relationship. There was not this distraction of women waiting for you online with a few clicks, the fear of missing out, or exes still lingering in your life through social media accounts.  Finding love for some has become like shopping online for another potential partner “just in case” , as if you were looking for another pair of shoes that you might like.

 If you don’t really try with a single someone vs. maybe with many, you are dooming both of you from the start. It is like trying to half ride a roller coaster, I will stay half in the cart and half out just to see how it goes- no that won’t work, you will end up a pancake on the ground. It is like trying to be an athlete by practicing once a week, but otherwise playing video games and eating Cheetos the rest of the week and wondering why you aren’t where you want to be- with no true commitment, you are setting things up to fail.  When you do find someone you are attracted to physically and intellectually with similar values, there looms this huge problem- emotionally unavailability and lack of true commitment. Commitment is a choice to show up and make an effort. It does not mean sleep with the same person while you keep options open, keep flirting with women, keep looking for someone else, make zero effort and then say – “oh, I tried, but she kept getting mad at me and it just didn’t work out”. Well no shit. In this day in age, finding a guy who does the right thing can almost come as a shock because more and more women are experiencing the men who don’t.

Here is What I Say:

Be the guy who is reliable. Who will not flirt with women for an ego boost and count it as “just being polite”.  Who doesn’t act single and available, then say “she hit on me”, when he could have just walked away.  Who will not insult and tear down his partner when he gets mad saying things you would not say to your worst enemy. Who will have a dialogue and not ghost a woman just because he is in a bad mood or when things get hard. Who will not entertain exes or keep women on the side as “friends” just in case. Who won’t have secret text relationships and feel compelled to guard his phone with his life. Who will never make a woman wonder where she stands in his life. Who will not use the silent treatment and withhold affection to punish his partner. Who will talk on the phone, not just text,  and call back if he says he will. Who will respond to a text within a reasonable time, or be man enough to say he is busy and he will get back to you soon. Who will not go MIA then come back with poor explanations like “my phone messed up” or “I fell asleep” (for 10 days!) excuses. Who will ask what a woman’s dreams are, and help make them become real like she would for him. Who will take time to listen and really listen, not just wait for her to shut up, or try to “fix” the problem she didn’t ask for help with (just to get her to shut up). Who will not be on the phone checked out in her company, and count it as quality time (no different than sitting next to a robot or pillow and counting that as fun quality time).  Who will still make time for dates and not treat his woman like a roommate or his mom.  Who will take a break from the porn, and focus on real life and the real woman in front of him.  Who doesn’t demand and expect his woman to look like an insta fitness model while he lets himself go, and wants to be adored his dad bod. Who will be there to help when his woman is sick just like she is for him, and not go MIA on her. Who will think about a woman’s needs and feelings, not just his own as his woman does for him. Who will not expect a woman to work a full time in a job just like him, but also be a 1950’s homemaker servant serving him, doing all the shopping, planning, cooking, dishes, organizing, social planning, kitchen cleaning, bathroom cleaning, laundry, picking up around the house, dusting, sweeping, mopping, child rearing while he counts playing with the kids for 30 minutes, and mowing the lawn 2x a month as enough. Who doesn’t come home demanding alone time and “man space” while his woman (not allowed to have her alone time), is left to tend to dinner and the kids. Who will be independent emotionally and physically from his parents realizing to be a real man and functional adult, he needs to cut the apron strings just as nature intended. Who doesn’t disrespect his woman by venting, trashing or sharing their problems with co-workers, friendly women, or his parents instead of talking to her directly like a man.  Who realizes love is everything in life and finding a good partner to grow old with can’t be bought, substituted or replaced with your kids, money, gadgets, shopping, porn or watching T.V.  Who will make her a priority, just like she does him. Be This Guy….