It is not about completing each other. It is not about finding one person who fulfills your every need in life. It is not about finding someone to fill the void. It is not about finding someone to make you happy. It is not just about a feeling as feelings come and go. It is about choosing to show up for someone consistently and committing to build a life together as a team. It is about your actions in how you show someone you care and how they show you they care. It is about wanting to be the best version of yourself and seeing the best in your partner.

When I think of a healthy relationship, it can be described as feeling like this:

Safe

Secure

Supported

Encouraged

Heard

Understood

Desired

Where you can be yourselves without being judged

A teammate, not adversary

Feel safe challenging each other knowing you have each other’s best interest at heart

Loyalty

Feeling seen

Honesty

Mutual respect

Someone who will stick up for them

Seek and focus on the best vs. seek and focus on the worst

Feel the strength in them and in yourself

Loved

Reliability

Able to share feelings other than” I am good”

Knowing a fight doesn’t mean a break up

Conflicts can be handled without violence, name calling, threats, or cheating

Seek to lift each other up based on traumas, triggers and weaknesses vs. exploit them and amplify them

Interest in each others dreams and passions

Encouragement for each others goals

Accepting it is not your partner’s job to be your therapist, nurse, administrative assistant, servant, cleaner, parent, make you happy or complete you

Understanding life will have its ups and downs, hardships, challenges, but real love doesn’t abandon when things get hard, someone gets sick or things are not perfect